A TRIP TO THE MARKET

WHEN i WAS WELL SHOPPING WAS THE HIGH LIGHT OF MY WEEK. MY ALONE TIME. I WOULD HAVE  A LIST MY WIFE WOULD HAVE THE BACK UP LIST,  AND I HAD A PLAN A ROUTE OF WHICH STORES I WAS GOING TO. THE FIRST STOP WAS MY FAVORITE WATERING HOLE IT IS A DIVE IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. REDNECK BARTENDER AND ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE YOU NEEDED TO BE POLITE, NOT THE KIND OF PLACE TO BUMP IN TO SOMEONE AND KEEP ON WALKING. ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHERE YOU COULD GET ANYTHING YOU WANTED BECAUSE SOMEBODY THERE HAD IT OR NEW A GUY WHO HAD IT .MISSING BODY PARTS VARIOUS DEVICES MEANT TO HELP PEOPLE WALK AND A VARIED CLIENTELE FROM TAXI DRIVERS TO MASTER MACHINISTS WERE THE NORM.  THE BARTENDER WOULD ALWAYS GIVE YOU ADVICE ON WHERE TO SIT. ON OCCASION SOMEONE WOULD HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF THE CRAZIES. I DID NOT DRINK BUT THE BARTENDER ALWAYS HAD A SUPPLY OF SOME SORT OF PREMIUM BOTTLED SODA. I I USED TO STRETCH THE SHOPPING TRIP OUT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE HAVING LIVED WITH A WONDERFUL LADY WHO IS IN CONSTANT PAIN  WHICH AS A LOVING HUSBAND YOU ARE OBLIGED TO LISTEN TO WHAT  EVER NEW PAIN WAS ESPECIALLY BAD TODAY 4 HOURS OF ALONE TIME ARE ESSENTIAL. SHE MAKES THE LIST I DO THE SHOPPING SIMPLE AS YOU CAN GET. NOW I KEEP THE SHOPPING TO A MINIMUM BECAUSE ALL THE DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS  I TAKE MAKE ME A LITTLE GOOFY AND DRIVING TAKES EVERY BIT OF MY DIMINISHING SKILL SET. YET TODAY I HAD NO BACK UP TO CHECK AND MAKE SURE  I HAD EVERYTHING I NEEDED. CANE DRIVERS LICENSE LIST TELEPHONE WALLET DEBIT CARD. TODAY HOWEVER I HAD BEEN FLYING SOLO  I HOP IN MY 1997 CROWN VICTORIA POLICE INTERCEPTOR. I GET TO SAMS CLUB START TO GET OUT OF THE CAR REALIZE THAT I LEFT IT AT HOME MY OUT SIDE CANE DECIDE TO HECK WITH IT ITS IS JUST SUCH A SHORT LIST I WILL TAKE MY CHANCES. START GOING THROUGH MY WALLET DISCOVER I HAVE LEFT MY DEBIT CARD AT HOME. I HAVE NO CHOICE HAVE TO RETURN HOME NOT WAY AROUND IT. I GET HOME FIND MY OUT SIDE CANE REMOVE ONE OF TWO FLASH LIGHTS I HAVE ATTACHED WITH VELCRO SEARCH HIGH AND LOW CAN NOT FIND THE CARD ANYWHERE, EVENTUALLY i FIND IT NOW. I CAN NOT  FIND MY OUTSIDE CANE FIND OUT SIDE CANE LEAVE ONCE AGAIN, I GET TO THE PET FOOD STORE TO BUY CAT FOOD WHICH THEY DO NOT HAVE MY CATS KIND. WELL THEY HAD IT JUST PUT IT IN A DIFFERENT SPOT WHICH TO ME IS THE SAME THING TICK- TOCK.  AND I DO NOT HAVE THE LIST  OR IN THE COUPON BACK HOME LEFT THE CANE IN THE CAR SO I WOULD NOT HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT AGAIN AND GOT A SPARE FROM THE GLOVE BOX CAN NOT FIND I T TIRED OF LOOKING  DECIDED WILL JUST TAKE THE LECTURE FOR NOT USING THE COUPON TICK TOCK. I ONCE AGAIN CONTINUE MY TRIP TO THREE STORES TICK-TOCK COUPON IN HAND OUTSIDE CANE ID DEBIT CARDS LIST READY TO ROCK. I AM LEAVING NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS NOTICE MY MODIFIED OUTSIDE CANE. TWO FLASH LIGHTS ONE OF WHICH POINTS IN THE DIRECTION YOU ARE GOING AND HAS A FUNCTION THAT TURNS IT INTO A FLASHER SO THAT IF YOU DO FALL AND  DO NOT HURT YOURSELF YOU CAN  GENERALLY A FLASHING LIGHT GETS PEOPLES ATTENTION. THE OTHER THING IS ONE OF THOSE DO DADS THAT MECHANICS USE TO RETRIEVE SMALL ITEMS THAT ARE IN THE ENGINE COMPARTMENT. MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN THAT IF I DROP SOMETHING IT ROLLS JUST OUT OF REACH AND IS GENERALLY A BATTERY OR A PIECE OF PAPER IT IS PERFECT FOR THAT STUFF. I EXPLAINED THAT NOR TH AMERICAN ARMS MAKES A FIVE SHOT 22 MAGNUM PISTOL THAT WEIGHS ABOUT FIVE OUNCES LOADED BUT A LAS EXPLAINING THAT MODIFICATION TO MY WIFE IS  IMPOSSIBLE I WOULD RATHER TAKE THE BEATING FROM A STRANGER. TICK-TOCK. CONVERSATION OVER FILL UP THE CAR WITH GAS. I THEN PROCEED ABOUT MY BUSINESS WHICH TAKES ME ABOUT 45 MINUTES GET HOME START PUTTING MY PURCHASES AWAY THE ONE THING I ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT COME HOME WITH OUT WERE HER SMOKES TOOK ME A TEN MINUTES TO FIND THEM. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS TURNS OUT IT IS ALMOST 4;00 IN THE AFTERNOON. next I HAVE TO TELL THE STORY OF WHY IT TOOK ME CLOSE TO FIVE HOURS TO GO TO THREE STORES THAT WERE LESS THAN TWO MILES A WAY .

THERE IS A REASON WHY WIVES NAG FOR GOOD REASON BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU. SOME ARE JUST HABITUAL NAGGERS. THE TRICK IS WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE FOR ME PERSONALLY IT IS WHEN SHE ASKS ME IF I SHOOK THE PRUNE JUICE, TODAY’S LESSON CLASS IS  TAKE EVERYTHING WITH YOU THAT YOU NEED HAVE A PLAN AND STICK TO THE PLAN ALSO KEEP A LAMINATED COPY OF THE CURRENT MEDICATIONS YOU ARE ON AND NEVER EVER DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ANY MORPHINE BASED PAIN KILLERS BUT THAT FASCINATING STORY IS FOR ANOTHER DAY  DEAD MAN OUT

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